Sunday, 19th July 2020

11:54PM at Home.

Quite scary how fast time flies. Felt like not too long ago that I just wrote in this journal, but my last entry was already the 28th of June.

Good news: In the midst of laying out the design for my new portfolio with Ivan (going quite well), and doing up my print shop on my website.

Not so good news: I’ve not been terribly productive the last 3 months or so, and I am aware of that, and I’m determined to change that. I felt extremely disappointed about my cancelled trip and lost opportunities – especially travelling to Copenhagen to work with Scoop Models, and furthermore, 2 days ago I had to resign to the fact that travelling is year won’t be possible.

Just to be clear, I am not whining or thinking that my situation is unique or special in these circumstances, since everyone around me are affected varying degrees. I’m just writing this down to pen out my thoughts like I always have. I feel a bit lost knowing that my Europe plans are ruined and not happening, and that I can’t be where my heart and mind is; that I have lost a few opportunities; that I am further apart from my contacts on the other side of the world. I feel this deeply.

On the outside, it might be unnoticeable, but these thoughts make up quite a significant part of me that I can’t easily share with people. I am really on my own when it comes down to it, and I am aware that nobody but me understands this best, and therefore I do not expect anyone to empathise with me. Having said that, I know my shortcomings of not ‘seizing the lockdown period’ to upgrade myself, and not picking myself up to adapt to the changing situation. Perhaps it can be called laziness—I’m not denying that. But is this supposed to be the norm? To feel like you need to do something all the time to feel like the days are not wasted? A productivity challenge? BUT, again, I know can do myself a favour and improve my thoughts and actions.

One of my favourite quotes that I find myself coming back to:

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”

– Henry David Thoreau