Thursday, 19th September 2019

6:01PM, Cafe de Barones, Amsterdam

Feeling better today – not saying that yesterday was a bad one though. Had a nice catchup with my agents Sophie and Ymke at the office. We had a nice lunch and coffee, and later tea while talking to Sophie about some topics. One of them included the 6 months in a year that I am here – I was having uncertainty about it – and whether the timing was ‘right’. Well, the short answer is ‘yes’.

On the topic of my work next, the gist of it was that I want to stick to my beliefs and be true to myself. I want to work with more artists like Zyanya etc., who would be able to elevate my vision of what I love and think fashion should ‘be’. Happy and grateful to have the support from Sophie and Ymke.

7:29PM, HEMA

On Tuesday evening, stopped by Sarah’s studio near the Nieuwmarkt to catch up and have drinks. It was so nice to see her again! She took us to a bar-restaurant at the square and we caught up on 2 drinks (actually two Colas for me). She first shared with me about her recent separation and her ‘plans’ – long story.

I shared with her a little about my struggle artistically and also the fact that I have to straddle between 2 cities; and how I feel that I am not progressing in one of them when I am in the other. However, I know that it can’t be summarised that easily, and especially after having the talk with my agents, being here and away is not a bad thing at all! The months that I am back in Singapore are mostly not the ‘busy’ periods here anyway, such as the summer months and the year end/new years. Those months actually gives me the chance to work more closely with my best friend Ivan in Singapore.

I have to start seeing my unique situation as a BLESSING in disguise, instead of a burden. Takes quite a bit of effort and time to finally accept this, but I need to do so in order to fully focus on my work.

Here and now writing this, I want to remind myself that: I own my experiences; I am the most clear on my likes and dislikes; I take ownership of my vision and what I want to say in my work. I am clear on my influences and inspirations, and I draw from them and mix them with my own interpretation. This, in and of itself, makes it already different and unique. I fear not of competition, but instead seek to learn from those that I look up to. I insist on staying true to my beliefs, and have to start being sure of my intentions and actions.