Saturday, 29th September 2018

4:55PM, Cafe de Barones

Still trying to get used to being alone after Sis left (2 days ago). It was quite an abrupt change. Tried to fix in a shoot on Sunday with a model from Ulla but she wasn’t available: I wanted to have something to do/look forward to. Anyhow, this weekend would be a good opportunity to take some time for myself – get my thoughts straight, not a bad thing! Looking forward to the lunch with my agent Sophie on Tuesday and meet a photographer (Elisabeth) afterwards.

To ‘Feel’:
– The library (read and look at images)
– Take mood shots
– Focus on my priorities
– Inspired
– Love

12:30AM, Home

It feels silly writing this.
But I’m worried. Worried that this trip would not live up to my expectations. I really want the effort/time/money that I put into these trips to pay off. I don’t know what exactly this ‘pay off’ means or the definition of it, but right now it is midnight and I can’t help my mind going to not-so-positive places. My energy levels have been rather low lately, and I don’t quite understand why? At this moment, writing this down is a source of comfort. I need to remind myself that I am here – in Amsterdam! This is what I have been working towards and craving for when in Singapore. Isn’t it weird that when we get the thing we want, it is not exciting anymore? I don’t mean it in that way. Just got to focus my mind. FOCUS. 

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