Tuesday, 7th March 2017

Just yesterday and till today in the afternoon, I wasn’t feeling very good or motivated. But on the way home from Ivan’s place just now, I just had an answer to my mind’s constant passing questions and doubts to the whole ‘meaning of existence’ – the main topic of conversation with Allysha yesterday.

In a nutshell, why do we ‘work hard’? Why do we have ‘ambitions’ and ‘goals’ and ‘dreams’ and what not, when at the end of the day, we will cease to exist? Unless you have a life-changing idea or a human-race-scale contribution (which most of us honestly don’t), I don’t think, or rather, I question this state of mind/mindset that we are ‘conditioned’ to have and nuture.

I can’t suppress this thought and side of me, and I want to channel this into my work, to add substance and depth to it. I don’t want to just create ‘beautiful’ images, I want to say something. This is a big part of me, influenced from the dark humour of George Carlin (one of my heroes) and also topics of the Second War, conflicts and political unrest (generally viewed as depressing topics); things which I find to hold a certain humanistic beauty in them, namely: hope, courage and bravery.

And I have been feeling stuck to translate these thoughts into my work, up until just now.